


This Is My Heart

by laviie



Category: DRAMAtical Murder (Visual Novel), DRAMAtical Murder - All Media Types
Genre: I don't know why but I have these HUGE FEELS, M/M, also i never write sex scenes pls be kind, and as usual my aoba/sly is super submissive, as usual, like 50s housewife, mink isn't happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-19
Updated: 2016-06-19
Packaged: 2018-07-16 01:41:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7247083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laviie/pseuds/laviie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You knew this could've been the stupidest decision you've made your whole damn existance, but the sweet taste of his skin and the fire burning you up like kerosene make your senses numb and all you want to do is to give in.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Is My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place in an Alternaive Universe for the R:C where Aoba's two main consciousnesses switch often to grant him a more stable life without internal conflicts. 
> 
> Also I apologize, I'm not too good at writing sex scenes but I had the idea for this fiction stuck in my head for weeks now, so I decided to put it into words! Hope you like it!

-It's you again.-, he murmured, probably hoping you wouldn't hear. You look at his silent face across the room, playing nervously with the dark blue shirt you just took off. -I don't know why I hoped you didn't notice.-, you comment, trying to hide the sadness hidden in your words with a bitter, almost sarcastic tone. He doesn't reply, just clicks his tongue and leaves through the front door the way he does every morning, but this time it feels different. Everything feels different because you feel different.

Hoping getting your mind off the tingling feeling in your chest is a way to forget about him- about Mink, about not your man, but _his_ man, Aoba's man-, you decide to get the beds done and start with your own bedroom. You don't _exactly_ sleep in this room anymore, and that's the reason you need to clean the dusty blankets and sheets before the whole room turns into a warehouse. It feels like it takes you a while to tidy your room brand new, but by the time you're done not more than twenty minutes passed. Means you still have a whole morning ahead. You walk all the way to Mink's room -or as you like to call it, _your_ room- and take a brief look around: he usually makes his own bed, but probably this morning he was in a hurry or he more simply forgot to. It's not that important, you have nothing better to do anyway, so you decide to make his bed as well.

The second you put your hands on his sheets, the sweetest feeling fills you. His warmth, what was left of the heat he built during his sleep, is still lingering on the cotton white under your fingertips, and it makes your heart race. You close your eyes and let your skin sink into the faint warmth, a smile growing too spontaneously for you to be able to even just predict it. You rest your cheek against the crumbled sheets and by then you know better you're too far down into your feelings to be able to stick to your own pride. You're the _other one_. You're the " _evil_ " Aoba, the one he _doesn't_ love, the one he will always associate with the violence and pain he gave to you so sweetly. And you've been happy all your life with being the bad one, all your life until now. Because from inside Aoba's head you see the way this man looks at him, you feel the kindness of his touch on your pale skin and the roughness of his body inside yours, and you're jealous. You're dead jealous of this goodie-two-shoes and his sickening kindness, you're jealous of the looks Mink always gives you back and you're jealous of the long kisses that send you chills down your spine. You have no power in a body that no longer is yours, and all you can do is feel the love the man you wish was yours is giving to the person you don't want to be the most. It's a dead end, a mortal trap you've fallen into and because of this you're neglecting your own damn happiness to try getting Mink not to reject you.

* * *

 

You open your eyes slowly when you hear the click of the front door opening. Raising your head just slightly you notice from the poor light coming in from the window it's already afternoon, even if it looks so much darker because of the cold season just at the door. You get up and put yourself together, poorly dragging up the bed sheets to make it look like you didn't just sleep the morning away, and put a random shirt on just to look presentable. -You're home.-, you almost murmur. You were planning on walking up to him with something a little sassier, but those few words are all you can spit out when your eyes meet his golden irises. He doesn't reply, instead walks past you and heads to the bathroom to take a warm shower, the way he always does after work. You want to stop him and talk to him, but your muscles all numb just by him walking past you and slightly rubbing his shirt ripples against your skin. You're weak, so weak.

Your knees feel like they're about to give you up, and you rest your back against a wall, letting yourself slide all the way down to the floor. Closing your eyes for a brief second, you see everything that ever happened between the two of you and want to forget. About the _violence_ , the _abuse_ , the fall of Oval Tower and the years spent sleeping in the back of Aoba's mind. Then you remember about when you used to take over Reason only to annoy Mink, to play with his patience for a while. And at last, you remember about when your consciousness was dragged out in the moment you really weren't expecting it to be. You're still not sure as of why Reason receded an you have been pulled out by nothing in particular, but you do know what you felt changed you forever. Because you never expected to feel Mink's large body on you without feeling his skin numbed by the feeling of being only a presence in Aoba's mind. It was strange, you thought you also might have been scared -not because you were scared of _him_ , you're never scared of anything- because you never ever thought of ending up in a situation like that. What were you supposed to do? You did nothing at all, you didn't have the strength to, you couldn't even bring your own voice to come up with something that made sense other than the name that you've been waiting to pronounce with that exhausted, needy tone only he could give you. You've been pretending to be Aoba, the " _good_ " Aoba for weeks, only to assure you could've been getting that sweet body again. That first time- the real first time you felt him without any violence, without any secrets- was like a first cigarette. It was addicting like hell, it was pure poison streaming in your veins that you didn't want it to stop.

* * *

 

You were overthinking and you probably dozed off at some point. While Reason lives his life with a normal schedule, you aren't really used anymore to have a body to control for longer than a few minutes, so it was an habit of yours to oversleep. When you open your eyes again, it's probably late in the evening, you can tell by looking at the old clock hanging on the wall. You get up staggering a bit and walk all the way to the kitchen: you're hungry, you had a small breakfast and slept lunchtime away, so it's only natural. Mink isn't one to waste food -he isn't one to waste _anything_ -, and when he has to cook he's so precise there are never leftovers. So it's no surprise when you see he didn't let you anything to eat. You open the small fridge, that for its dimensions could as well be mistaken for a minibar, and you barely keep a chuckle thinking that for someone as technological as you living in a house where the fridge and the oven are the most of the technology you've got is almost hilarious. You hit the jackpot with some frozen pizza snacks you throw in the over without paying attention to all of the noise you're making, and as you try understanding how the hell this thing works your technological self is shaking his head at you. Somehow you mange to unfreeze the cheese on top of the pizzas and you eat three of them in an heartbeat.

Thinking that the one you just had was probably the best worst dinner you ever had, you walk to your bedroom -yes, yours, not Mink's-, thinking that since he didn't talk to you all day he probably doesn't want to see you. Usually you wouldn't care, but right now all you want to see of him is his golden eyes staring into yours in that way that makes your heart shake. You know he's rejecting you, and you know you should let Reason take over to put his heart at peace, but you don't want to go back seeing your damn whole life from inside someone else's body. You don't want to see him loving someone else again. Trying to be the least noisy you can, you walk up to your room, but hesitate when you have to pass Mink's semi-open bedroom door. You peek through the small openings between the door and the wall and notice that he's not reading the way he usually does. He's looking outside his window and you can tell by the tense muscles in his body that he probably isn't simply passing time. He has a weight in his heart, and you know better that weight is named Desire.

Reluctantly you take a few steps into this room that you learned to love like your own, and walk in closer to him. You know he acknowledges your presence, but he doesn't turn around to face you. You want to be strong, to turn him around and bury your tongue inside his cheeks, but you can't. You're not strong enough. As if you've given in to this sense of loss that got over your body, you lean against his large back and close your hands on his hard abdomen. -I swear I mean no harm.-, you say, your words slipping through your lips without you meaning to let them. You hope this sounds enough like "doesn't matter what happened between us, things are different now". -How can you mean no harm if to live you need to take over a person's consciousness?-, his deep voice makes your heart pound, and your head feels light enough that it would feel fair to even don't pay attention to what he's saying.

-You're such an hypocrite.-, you begin, your lips shaky but your voice doesn't fool you and comes out perfectly normal. -You say it as if I'm the only one here that only lives by suppressing someone else.-. You take a deep breath. -You act all mighty now, but remember you also needed to take over Aoba's consciousness to get by until the fall of Oval Tower.-. A small, bitter smile raises to your face, and all of the frustration you accumulated in the past days -no, past weeks- makes your heart heavy and it feels like it's about to explode. -We _really_ are the same.-.

You feel his body slowly turning to face you, and your lungs empty when your eyes meet his. You saw him looking in you- no, you saw him looking in Aoba's eyes many times before, but he never looked at you. He looked at you thinking of you. And only now you notice how truly beautiful the bright golden of his eyes is. Mink doesn't speak, he only silently looks at you and _God_ you really hope he doesn't notice how captivated by the soft shape of his lips you are.

-There's something different about you.-. His voice echoes in your ears and reaches your pounding chest, making your heart beat even faster. You don't move your eyes from his face as you notice he raises his large hand to your cheek. You feel like you know what's going to happen now. It's going to happen again. The pain, the violence, the obeying, the suffering, the abuse. You see it all flash before you but you don't move. You feel warm tears pool in your eyes but you still don't move. You won't move a muscle because if this is how he wants you you'll let him have you. A small, warm tear runs down your red face and you're ready for the impact. For that familiar sensation of shame and numbness.

But he doesn't hurt you. His rough palms stop on your cheek with a tender kindness and your tears just burst out of your eyes like waterfalls. You lower your face because you don't want him to see you like this. You're not weak, you've never been weak. You were born to _destroy_ , only to _destroy_ , and control. Control people, control minds. But this man makes you weak. This man makes you want to destroy every part of him in the sweetest way, only to see new life in his eyes, the life you wish you were able to make him feel.

He doesn't ask you why you're crying like a baby, but his eyes sure do. You can't explain you're crying because you're happy he doesn't want to harm you, because you're fucking in love with him and you're needing his body so much your knees feel weak. -I'm not different from the usual.-, you reply with your voice shaky, and you're about to laugh from just how fake you sound to your own ears. -Then why aren't you asking me to destroy you?-. His voice saying those words. _Destroy you._

- _God_ , I would ask you if only you could understand just how bad I need it.-. Saying such a nasty thing with your eyes red from the tears and your nose running isn't exactly the sexiest thing you've done, but it might be the most honest you've ever been. His expression doesn't change much, if nothing he looks more concerned. He's the only man that reads through people's words like open books, and you know he knows now. He knows why you need him. You stay silent for a while, then he sighs slowly. When he slightly open his mouth, your heart jumps, hoping he will say what you want to hear. That he wants you. That he needs you. That he lives for _you_ , not for Aoba, not for anyone else. -Go to sleep.-, he says, as coldheartedly as he made you fall in love with him. You look down at the floor, and leave out a long breath through your nose. Just as you're turning to leave the room, you stop. You can't lose like this.

He turned his back at you, and you watch him captivated as his shirt slips off his skin like pure gold, showing his strong body the way you crave it the most. You can't resist this anymore, and take two long strides towards him. Your strenght never made it easy for you to move him, but he's caught off guard when you turn him your way by his arm. You look at him for a brief second, and you feel it taking over your whole body, the need you have for him. With your open hands holding the back of his head, your thumbs pressed against his cheekbones, you lean in closer with your eyes shut, and you press your lips against his soft, dark ones. You knew this could've been the stupidest decision you've made your whole damn existance, but the sweet taste of his skin and the fire burning you up like kerosene make your senses numb and all you want to do is to give in.

You don't want to break the fragile contact you built with so much effort, and with the little strenght you have against Mink, you climb to his back and drag him down with you  as your back hits the soft matress of his bed. He isn't holding back with all his might, you can tell by how easily you're moving him around. With your shoulders buried in the pillow under your head and your lips still locking, your head feels light and you see stars flashing behind your eyelids like you're watching the sky on a summer night. You need to catch your breath, but you don't want to. Soon enough though, your lungs start aching and you're forced against your will to pull apart from Mink's lips. You don't open your eyes, but you feel his warm skin separating from yours, and you don't want him to leave. You don't want to go to sleep. You don't want to be without him even for a second.

As if your body moves on its own, you lock both your arms behind his neck and hold his face down in the nape of your shoulder. You feel his warm breath on your hair, and it's making you go crazy. -Don't you leave me now.-, you try to sound like you mean it as much as you do, but it comes out like a desperate, needy pleading instead. He slowly raises his face and looks deep into your amber eyes, and you just now realize the intimidating size of his shoulders compared to your whole body. -Why are you doing this?-, he asks you, sounding like he's reproaching you more than anything. -Why aren't you holding back?-, you ask back, trying to sound bitter. You obviously are playing with fire, you're digging yourself an always deeper grave, but you're happy with it as long as it means being close to him for longer.

There's a moment of silence that freezes the air. You're scared again. You're in love with his strenght and so scared of what it could do to you, but at the same time you're absolutely overwrought by lust. -Just fuck me already.-. Making eye contact with Mink was never an easy thing, but this once it might have been even harder. He seems to catch the glimpse in your voice, and without any exitation he moves his hands all the way down to your hips, and without any effort he slowly slips your pants and underwear down your tighs, your knees, all the way to your ankles. Your breath gets short, and you hold tight the sheets under your fingers. Mink's lips press against your abdomen, and your heart skips every beat it can afford to skip without completely stopping. He moves up all the way to your neck, your cheek, your lips.

Your back arches as if you were nothing more than a rag doll in the hands of a cruel kid, and you hear the sound of his belt falling off. You've been waiting  for this moment all your damn life. To be touched like this. You're as shameless as ever, and without any hesitation, you open your legs and walk fascinated his big body bending all over you. He isn't completely careless when he enters you, but the narrow size of your whole body makes him feel even larger than he already is and it's so hard for you to breathe. He moves fast, and you move your hips to his pace with a bit of difficulty. You know he's way, way more experienced than you, but you don't care about the other bodies he's been touching the way he's touching you now. You only care about this moment.

Your insides have never been pushed to this limits before and you've already reached your limit. You cling on to him like you whole life depends on it, and time stops. Your head feels light, your legs shake and your eyes fill wit tears. You never felt this way before.

* * *

 

-Do you ever wish you were... _different_?-, you ask him, turning your face to his profile, illuminated by the faint light coming from the window.

He looks at you, and shakes his head slightly. -There isn't such thing as being different.-.

You nod silently, and rest your cheek against his shoulder. -I wish you loved me.-, you confess with your voice low. He raises an hand to the back of your head and holds you closer to his chest. You feel sleepiness heavying your eyelids as you drift away into the darkness and the sweet cinnamon scent of his body. -I wish you loved yourself for who you are.-.


End file.
